Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
