My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
