I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
