just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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