I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
