He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
