New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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