So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
