NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
