Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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