two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
