Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
sarcasm needs its own font
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
