That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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