3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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