You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
