Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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