youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
