I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
