Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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