i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
