This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
