operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
