if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
