my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
