yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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