I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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