You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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