Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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