Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
