Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
