dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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