so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
