time to smoke my breakfast
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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