even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
