yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
