Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
