dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
