She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
