He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
