I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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