he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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