I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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