____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
