You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
