Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
