i think i have herpe
just one?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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