i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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