I just made out with a guy for $7.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
