btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
