If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
