three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
